Suspicion and mistrust of a spouse or loved one in a relationship is a very serious problem, and can cause a great deal of strife in the relationship. Knowing how to deal with this is key to a healthy, happy relationship.
But many people don’t know how to deal with this, and instead let it breed in them until it almost ‘takes over’ you. If you are suspicious of your partner, you need to decide the best route to take in this situation. Here’s a few idea’s.
• Talk to Them – Talk to your partner! One of the main ways to maintain a great, healthy relationship is communication – so talk, discuss, know what’s going on in your partners world, and let he or she know what’s going on in yours. Let your partner know about your suspicion, be it with extra marital affairs, drugs, or something else entirely. It will make your partner feel loved and trusted if you confide in him or her, and it should make you feel better, too.
• Watch for Irregularities in Otherwise Normal Patterns – Is he or she walking the dog for hours at a time? Coming home late from work and leaving early, without excuses or apologies? If you suspect something like affairs with neighbors, friends, co-workers, or even a complete stranger, then this might help you. Don’t jump to conclusions because your partner came home a few minutes late from something, and don’t let your imagination run wild. That won’t do either of you any good, and you’ll probably end up hurting you both. Instead, try to give him or her the benefit of the doubt until you can talk and find out the reasons for the unusual activity.
• Odd or Unusual Spending? – Watch your bank accounts for unusual or excess spending, which is often linked with affairs or dug abuse. If you see an item or two that you can’t identify, and it’s not around any holidays (Often spouses with ask their others where money went, just to find out it was a surprise birthday present!), you may want to casually ask. Remember, your partner deserves the benefit of the doubt, and getting upset, angry, or jumping to conclusions will hurt your other, because he or she doesn’t feel trusted.
• Odd Calls – Often a cell phone is the main communication, especially for a person on the go. If you’re extremely suspicious, you may be able to obtain phone records either online, or from the company. This should only be used as a last-resort method, and is considered by most people a very large invasion of privacy.
Remember that any suspicion should be thought over thoroughly, and if you feel insecure in your relationship, counseling is available to help you and your loved one work through any issues presented.
A marriage, or even a relationship, is hard, but you have to have trust in your partner – and yourself – because after all, isn’t that what a good relationship has the most of? Trust, love, and communication.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Mending a Broken Heart
Finding Support And Caring – For You! (Part 2 of 10)
Once you realise that indeed your heart had been broken, the next stage is to accept that you will need help in getting over it, and that also, you must take care of yourself too.
Caring for yourself is a vitally important part of your overall recovery so from today, try to start looking after yourself with kindness and love.
You will need to nurture both your body and mind as both are equally important in bringing about positive change in your life.
With all the emotional turmoil going on in your life at present, it’s unlikely that you feel very proud of yourself or feel that you are a very preserving person.
Caring for your body and mind will help you regain good and positive feelings about yourself by re-enforcing a very important message – that you are a unique, worthwhile and wonderful person.
The fault is that no matter how your heartbreak has come about, you’re a victim of shock – and therefore you must treat yourself accordingly.
And this can happen just as easily to men as well as women.
The best way to handle this is to try to imagine how you would want to look after someone else – someone who is very special to you – after they had had a major trauma in their lives.
Wouldn’t you want to help them get lots of rest, feed them healthy and delicious food and provide them with books and DVDs to help cheer them up?
You might also spoil them a little with thoughtful gifts that would help the nurturing process, such as a body lotion, or a herb pillow or maybe a lovely soothing massage?
Whatever it is that you would do for someone else in this situation, is exactly what you need to be doing for yourself right now!
Do things for yourself that help you feel better, like walking by the sea, having long scented baths by candlelight etc.
Try to get out into the fresh air at least once a day so that you feel fresher and raise your spirits.
Allow time every day to pamper yourself… Even the most macho of guys can soak in a fragrant bath whilst listening to your favourite music.
Caring acts like these will help remind you that you are special, even if your heart is telling you that nothing matters anymore.
Sleep is another very important factor in your recovery and whilst some people sleep a lot when they are distressed, othes find sleep at such times, very elusive.
If you are wakeful in the night, don’t toss and turn. Instead, get up and make yourself a warm milky drink, read a book, or watch a DVD, something that will cheer you up in some way.
Do try to avoid using alcohol as a sedative as it produces somewhat unnatural and fitful sleep, and increasing your dependence on booze at this diificult time, is not going to be helpful.
If your sleeping patterns do not improve, you could try some of the common herbal remedies that promote good sleep, or if things still do not improve, you may need to seek medical help, particularly in the short to medium term.
So, in the early days of your heartbreak, the most important things you can do are;
• Talk about how you feel to friends and family.
• Eat healthily and give yourself a few special treats.
• Go easy on alcohol!
• Take some exercise.
• Play any music that you like. it’s ok to be sad!
• Get out into the fresh air at least once a day.
• Take plenty of relaxing, scented baths.
• Treat your body with love and kindness; allow yourself to feel nurtured and cared for.
Allowing other people to support you.
Keeping your heartbreak private will not help you in the long run, so, no matter how difficult it is for you, do find someone to confide in.
Let other people help you, whether that be family, work colleagues or close friends. The more you talk in the early days, the quicker you will recover.
Usually, part of the recovery process with our friends will involve learning about their past romantic history. Its not a bad thing to discover for yourself, that whatever you’re currently going through, others have been through similar situations, and maybe even worse.
Share these experiences but make sure that, most of all, you talk about you. As you start to open up and share your pain, it immediately ceases to have such a powerful hold on you and then you’ll be well on the path to recovery.
Become aware of your own goodness and worth as a person, and as hard as it can be at times of great personal distress, be aware of other peoples difficulties and try to contribute positively, even if it’s just a kind word or a smile. When you do this, you’ll feel better about yourself and will be getting back in touch with your own goodness, another important step on your road to recovery.
Once you realise that indeed your heart had been broken, the next stage is to accept that you will need help in getting over it, and that also, you must take care of yourself too.
Caring for yourself is a vitally important part of your overall recovery so from today, try to start looking after yourself with kindness and love.
You will need to nurture both your body and mind as both are equally important in bringing about positive change in your life.
With all the emotional turmoil going on in your life at present, it’s unlikely that you feel very proud of yourself or feel that you are a very preserving person.
Caring for your body and mind will help you regain good and positive feelings about yourself by re-enforcing a very important message – that you are a unique, worthwhile and wonderful person.
The fault is that no matter how your heartbreak has come about, you’re a victim of shock – and therefore you must treat yourself accordingly.
And this can happen just as easily to men as well as women.
The best way to handle this is to try to imagine how you would want to look after someone else – someone who is very special to you – after they had had a major trauma in their lives.
Wouldn’t you want to help them get lots of rest, feed them healthy and delicious food and provide them with books and DVDs to help cheer them up?
You might also spoil them a little with thoughtful gifts that would help the nurturing process, such as a body lotion, or a herb pillow or maybe a lovely soothing massage?
Whatever it is that you would do for someone else in this situation, is exactly what you need to be doing for yourself right now!
Do things for yourself that help you feel better, like walking by the sea, having long scented baths by candlelight etc.
Try to get out into the fresh air at least once a day so that you feel fresher and raise your spirits.
Allow time every day to pamper yourself… Even the most macho of guys can soak in a fragrant bath whilst listening to your favourite music.
Caring acts like these will help remind you that you are special, even if your heart is telling you that nothing matters anymore.
Sleep is another very important factor in your recovery and whilst some people sleep a lot when they are distressed, othes find sleep at such times, very elusive.
If you are wakeful in the night, don’t toss and turn. Instead, get up and make yourself a warm milky drink, read a book, or watch a DVD, something that will cheer you up in some way.
Do try to avoid using alcohol as a sedative as it produces somewhat unnatural and fitful sleep, and increasing your dependence on booze at this diificult time, is not going to be helpful.
If your sleeping patterns do not improve, you could try some of the common herbal remedies that promote good sleep, or if things still do not improve, you may need to seek medical help, particularly in the short to medium term.
So, in the early days of your heartbreak, the most important things you can do are;
• Talk about how you feel to friends and family.
• Eat healthily and give yourself a few special treats.
• Go easy on alcohol!
• Take some exercise.
• Play any music that you like. it’s ok to be sad!
• Get out into the fresh air at least once a day.
• Take plenty of relaxing, scented baths.
• Treat your body with love and kindness; allow yourself to feel nurtured and cared for.
Allowing other people to support you.
Keeping your heartbreak private will not help you in the long run, so, no matter how difficult it is for you, do find someone to confide in.
Let other people help you, whether that be family, work colleagues or close friends. The more you talk in the early days, the quicker you will recover.
Usually, part of the recovery process with our friends will involve learning about their past romantic history. Its not a bad thing to discover for yourself, that whatever you’re currently going through, others have been through similar situations, and maybe even worse.
Share these experiences but make sure that, most of all, you talk about you. As you start to open up and share your pain, it immediately ceases to have such a powerful hold on you and then you’ll be well on the path to recovery.
Become aware of your own goodness and worth as a person, and as hard as it can be at times of great personal distress, be aware of other peoples difficulties and try to contribute positively, even if it’s just a kind word or a smile. When you do this, you’ll feel better about yourself and will be getting back in touch with your own goodness, another important step on your road to recovery.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
After The Affair - Rebuilding Trust
An affair can be a truly devastating thing to a person, and to a marriage – especially affairs with neighbors, friends, or co-workers. If you are the person who had the affair, you’re probably not going to see this issue as a very big deal – you’ll want to forget the entire thing and move on with your life. But you have to understand you broke a very deep bond, and probably years of trust, which is extremely painful.
But with a lot of time, and work, it can be healed. Trust can be rebuilt, if both are willing to take the time. And it will take time – just like it took time to build that trust up to begin with. It will take, and this is not an exaggeration, over a year.
What is recommending in this situation to help is counseling. It will help create a less stressful, less angry environment where you both can talk about what happened, and discuss why.
A Few Trust-Building Tips for the One Who Had the Affair
Building the trust back in your relationship will take a lot of time, but there a few different things you can do to help regain your love’s trust.
• Say What You Mean – Don’t say one thing, but have your body language say another – when trust is so shaky of a thing in a relationship, you need to mean exactly what you say. Men, if your wife asks you if she looks nice, but you care for what she’s wearing, don’t just lie and say ‘you look great’ – tell her she’s a beautiful person, and that you love her. You may just get extra brownie points for that.
• Make a Schedule and Keep It! – Your partner will be suspicious of you a lot more, and will watch what you do, when you do it, and how. Keep a pattern of going to work, going out with friends, etc. Don’t massively change things – when you’re going to be home late, even five minutes, call! Don’t start coming home a half an hour late from work every day without a good explanation, or without informing your partner. In relationships, especially ones that have experienced extra marital affairs, this is extremely important.
• Talk About Needy? – Understand your other’s needs and be accommodating. Respect the fact that he or she will need space, or need you to comfort them. Talk about your needs, too, probably in couples counseling, and you both need to help one another.
You Can Get Through This – Together
You can mend your trust, and learn to love each other again. It will take time, but it may just be worth it.
The important thing is to talk, and openly discuss the affair. Painful discussions will be in the plenty, but you both will be stronger for it. It takes a lot of healing, and those talks can help. Slowly working through problems is the correct way to deal with things, especially in this case.
You can make it work. It can happen.
But with a lot of time, and work, it can be healed. Trust can be rebuilt, if both are willing to take the time. And it will take time – just like it took time to build that trust up to begin with. It will take, and this is not an exaggeration, over a year.
What is recommending in this situation to help is counseling. It will help create a less stressful, less angry environment where you both can talk about what happened, and discuss why.
A Few Trust-Building Tips for the One Who Had the Affair
Building the trust back in your relationship will take a lot of time, but there a few different things you can do to help regain your love’s trust.
• Say What You Mean – Don’t say one thing, but have your body language say another – when trust is so shaky of a thing in a relationship, you need to mean exactly what you say. Men, if your wife asks you if she looks nice, but you care for what she’s wearing, don’t just lie and say ‘you look great’ – tell her she’s a beautiful person, and that you love her. You may just get extra brownie points for that.
• Make a Schedule and Keep It! – Your partner will be suspicious of you a lot more, and will watch what you do, when you do it, and how. Keep a pattern of going to work, going out with friends, etc. Don’t massively change things – when you’re going to be home late, even five minutes, call! Don’t start coming home a half an hour late from work every day without a good explanation, or without informing your partner. In relationships, especially ones that have experienced extra marital affairs, this is extremely important.
• Talk About Needy? – Understand your other’s needs and be accommodating. Respect the fact that he or she will need space, or need you to comfort them. Talk about your needs, too, probably in couples counseling, and you both need to help one another.
You Can Get Through This – Together
You can mend your trust, and learn to love each other again. It will take time, but it may just be worth it.
The important thing is to talk, and openly discuss the affair. Painful discussions will be in the plenty, but you both will be stronger for it. It takes a lot of healing, and those talks can help. Slowly working through problems is the correct way to deal with things, especially in this case.
You can make it work. It can happen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
